Farting is my hobby.
I love to fart more than I love to do pretty much anything else.
I'd choose farting over sex any day.
It's true!
It's sexy! I mean, if I don't have any good responses to my dates questions--I fart. And BOY do they love it! They practically eat it...um, er, well. Yeah.
Weapons of mass destruction, man!
Stop giving our armies guns. Give them burritos.
Let nature take care of things.
That's right. Look familiar?
Because Marilyn wasn't standing on a vent/fan.
Her anus was creating it's own vent/fan.
Even Bush does it. And if Bush does something we should all ... er, um.
Run. Fast. NOW.
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Now that I got that out of my system..
None of that first half was really true.
I don't like to fart...but...
SERIOUSLY! I had gas all day yesterday and it was driving me INSANE!
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What do you do when your a$$ wants to exhale?!
Do you...
Test Toot-- You know, just a little bit to see if it's going to sound.
Then you swirl around and sniff the air in the hopes
there's not much odor so you can really let loose.
The problem with this idea is that if there IS
an odor/sound--you're up a creek with
no paddle. Damn.
Squeeze your butt cheeks together and pray they don't fight back. Cough to cover the grumbling. Say you're just hungry.
You know the scenario. You're stuck
in a small, quite, non-ventilated area.
You could test toot--but the risks
out way the possible relief.
You wear a fart pad. Really.
Flat-D Innovations <---They make your farts...
um, smell good. And stuff.
Excuse yourself to the restroom!
What if there are people in there, too?
What if there is a line outside the bathroom--
they'll walk into a totally stunk up bathroom
and they'll know who the perpetrator was!
And, more importantly--
Can burps be farts you held in?
They travel back up and exit the other way?!
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